How can I find the will to live after being abandoned by my spouse?

I"m alone. Totally alone except for a teenage daughter who has her own life. The reason I'm posting is because I do not want to vent to my child (I'm her caretaker-she isn't my confidante or advisor) and because even though she doesn't show emotion, I know she is hurting because her dad left. We got separated a few months ago but he came home, coincidently when I received a lump sum after losing my job. Job hunting is bleak, money is low, my parents abandoned me as a child and my only source of pure love was my Nana. She died last year. My husband and I have been together for 15 yrs. He knows my history, life story and I bared all, shared my heart completely with him. I loved him like no other. He was my world and now he's gone. In 15 yrs I made 1 mistake and he forgave me (or so I thought) but he had his own ual encounter with one of my relatives recently. Immediately after this incident, he left me. But still kept coming around to see our daughter, get clothes, etc. His friend just died so I think he's facing his own depression and is at an odd stage in life. I forgive him for the incident as I was forgiven. What I can't stand is being in limbo. He's very blunt in saying it's over but gets mad when I resume a normal life (socializing, being out) Just yesterday I said I'd pick up a prescription for him but they closed so I panicked and started shopping to avoid coming home. I had to buy time to somehow explain. He got very mad at me and physically hurt me then said he was completely done with me for sure. (that made me think mind games?) He ransacked my purse and found some undies. Well for hygiene purposes at this time of the month, I take an extra pair. I also had another personal pleasure item hidden in my purse and he went berserk thinking I was using it and being with other people. I haven't even had thoughts of being with anyone as I'm so heartbroken so I was offended by his accusations. He told me his reason for leaving is "I never listen to him" as in follow directions. So he said he's letting me go to be a free soul. But I love him and I've never left him when he was unemployed and being a real jerk. Now he has a car, a job, and he split. One day he says he's not in love anymore then another day he's checking on me saying I'm still "his". I am baffled by his behavior and don't know what to think. All I know is he was the only long term person I had left in my life and I feel abandoned. It's bringing back childhood memories that are terrifying. I get panic attacks and feel like dying. Yet my daughter needs me so I have to live. If you see something I don't, please tell me! I'm usually intelligent, sensible, and love life but this relationship has made me clingy, insecure, and so anxious that I've taken pills to cope. Another flaw he sees in me but his pot is no issue because it's "natural". I just want to cope for this day and if there's anyone who's been through this nightmare and made it out ok or better, please say! I feel hopeless, worthless, unsure of the future. Especially with no job and a divorce. Why now? He could've left me years ago and I would've been in better mental shape. My few good friends call me randomly just to make sure I'm still alive. Sad ha? When I told him I felt like dying, he said "oh well" as if it was a histrionic move. The truth is it's a very real thing I feel now. He vowed to be there for better or worse and I would've never left him--I never did even when I had reasons to. How can I move on or cope--maybe see him differently so that I can survive another empty day??? I do things with my child but she has her own active social life and I'm not going to infringe on that due to my pain. I took care of everyone but now when I reach out, nobody's there. I feel used and tossed as something no longer needed. I'm sorry this was so long--I know it's 2010 and people don't have time. But thank you for reading if you were patient enough to. Love & peace to all.